Safe spaces

First, I want to thank a dear friend for helping me gather my thoughts on this.  The original title of this blog post and the post itself were flawed.

"Safe spaces" entered the popular parlance about a year ago.  The concept, however, is no more new than the phrase itself.  Safe spaces have always been important.  In my opinion safe spaces are intimately linked with what it means to be a man.

I will not speak of the divine masculine or divine feminine.  I do not generally speak of things divine.  In addition, what defines masculinity and femininity is culturally variant and immaterial in this case.

What I am speaking of is a combination of roles that many people attribute to men, and the end goal of these roles.  The roles themselves are provider and protector.  I would capitalize those titles, but I don't think I'm actually talking about philosophical ideals.  I am speaking of what does exist in millions of homes across the globe and something I myself was given.  I am also speaking of something that should be more common in my opinion.

I want more places to be considered safe.  In truth, I want people to feel safer everywhere they go.  A number of events have recently reminded me  of the huge discrepancies between my own level of safety and that of my sisters.  True safety is an illusion, but I can feel a great deal of assurance based on probability alone.  The fact is that my brothers are very often predators rather than protectors.  I cannot fix this, but I can choose how I act.  I can also speak when the opportunity presents itself.

So, let us start with isolating the predators.  I am simply going to state that any place of employment should be considered a safe space for the employees.  If any of my brothers find themselves thinking that someone wants to get "hit on" while they are working or that an "office romance" should be pursued, stop!  Erring on the side of "leave her alone" will do you no harm.  That perceived opportunity you may "miss out on", isn't really there.  I am not saying that successful relationships haven't started this way.  I am not going to even say that your interpretation of the situation is incorrect.  I am simply saying the risk isn't worth it.  There is another person involved and you are about to have an effect on their life.

In addition, if you see what appears to be unwanted attention, don't stand idly by.  Ask about your fellow human's well being.

Does this seem old fashioned?  Well, it is.  We men have not earned the right to move past chivalry.  I hope one day my sisters and my brothers face the same probabilities when evaluating their personal safety.  I do not believe I will live to see such a day.

Home is always a safe space.  If the place you live is not safe, it is not a home.

Let us all create safe spaces for one another.  I do believe that it is a defining characteristic of manhood but I would never stop anyone from making the world better.  Safe spaces are places where intimacy happens.  Safe spaces are places where growth happens.  Safe spaces are foundations from which lives are built.