And I am traveling.... again....

The end of the year is often filled with odd events and so finding myself driving through Virginia in a rental car was not shocking.

In a way, it seemed predictable. A young man that drove once every few months for years finds himself commuting to work everyday. 5 months later, inclement weather hits his hometown while he is away. Flight after flight is canceled. He finds himself faced with the decision to wait another 2 days for a flight or to start driving.

The cliche is ruined when one takes into account the woman by his side. The woman he discusses the situation with. The woman whom will take the later, harder part of the journey. The woman he is happy to call his wife.

No single-handed struggle. No last-ditched effort. Just 2 people making the best out of the situation. The young man knows that together these 2 can accomplish far more. He knows that to attempt this drive alone would be foolhardy and no accolades await him for accomplishing it.

And so he drives into the night... crossing into Maryland before turning over the keys. The woman drives into and across Pennsylvania as he sleeps. She will continue to drive until 5 AM. She will go to work the next day while he calls out. He will be reminded once again which one of them is the strong one.

They will both return to their life. The road is not their way.

He started the journey wishing to return home. But in truth, he was always home. Home has no latitude or longitude. Home is as close or as far as the woman that took the journey with him.

One more step...

I would like to thank his fellow humans for giving me a choice between hydroelectric and wind.

For those of you unfamiliar with energy generation and deregulation, we can choose the organization responsible for our power generation. Power distribution is handled by the local utility (PECO in most cases).

Energy generation is something I have strong opinions on. In the Philadelphia area, 60% of our power is generated via 2 nuclear plants. I consider this the good, clean part. I won't get into that at the moment. The other 40% is generated by dozens if not hundreds of ancient combustors burning coal and other fossil fuels.

But we can choose another way. We can choose to say "less". I am not saying we can choose to say "no more". We can't shut those old coal plants down. Not yet. What we can do is make a choice. We can say that we want something better.

There are some drawbacks. Utilities were regulated for a few reasons. But that discussion is much broader than one blog post. This is about change.

Over the millenia, there have been those who struggled to build a sustainable existence on this planet. There ideas have varied, but the goal has been similar: to reduce the impact we have on our fellow denizens.

We have become quite skilled at modifying our environment.... too skilled. We now have the power to effect global change. We have had the power to make this planet a wasteland in moments for 50 years. Thinking that we can not have the same effect over decades is preposterous.

And so the struggle takes it current form. Trying desperately to live within the limits. It may seem sometimes that the struggle has been in vain, but it is never in vain. Slowly, surely, we are changing the world. The doors are all unlocked now. It is time to force them open.

We have the power of choice. We have the power to decide what we find important. We have the power to put our money where our mouth is. Is the playing field level? No. Do all people have the same choices? No. There is much more work to do. It is not the time to celebrate and congratulate ourselves. It is time to choose.

The elite of the world can purchase new cars. Those cars become used cars. They are recirculated. The elite can encourage the use of renewable resources. The elite can start now so that the choices become open to others.

Some of my peers may not realize it, but I'm not speaking of some old man in a board room when I use the term "elite". If you live in the United States, have health insurance, and have a college education, the rest of the world considers you elite. You may as well consider yourself so. As Harry Chapin said, it is up to us. We are not enslaved. We are those that have to be listened to. We are the power base.

I am not going to claim that I do enough to bring about change. I don't think I ever will. I consider my contributions small and there is much work to do. I cannot claim I am responsible for passing any legislation or changing popular opinion. What I can claim is that when given a choice, I will never pick expedient over right. I will use the power I do have to effect change. I will evaluate things realistically and put cost in perspective.

I will never accept that things are not going to change because, well, you are reading a blog. I'm not sitting at a Gutenberg press. There is no typewriter ribbon. My screen has no cathode ray tube. We live in interesting times. We live in a time of change regardless of whether we desire it or feel that the wrong changes are taking place. We live in a time when I can choose how power is generated.

By the way, I chose wind.

Physical objects...

...have never been a primary concern for me. I work in an ethereal world. I think in abstracts and apply them to situations.

But I am a sensory creature. Sight, sound, touch, smell, taste... to a greater or lesser extent are our only inputs. Regardless of what I may "know", actual sensory input is how animals survived long enough to think.

And so, I held on to some intricately cut pieces of steel yesterday. They were cut to fit into a lock... to open a door.

I am not going to go into the discussion of land ownership. It is enough to say that I have a mortgage. Yet, the deed to a structure in Ambler is being transferred to myself and my wife. The right of transfer is now ours.

My wife... a band of silver around my finger announces to the world that I am committed to someone. Another physical object but far more symbolic. The steel may open doors, but the silver is much more powerful. The sight of it effecting all. The feel of it nearly an embrace.

The meaning of "I" and "mine" has changed. The silver on my left hand linking many of the things I do to another person according to the world at large. My heart linked to another person in everything I do.

The feeling of warmth that suffuses me through that link becomes sensory. It transcends the realm of mind to remind me of the power of sensory input and to remind me that there are things far more powerful.

Paradise...

Where to begin? I am sitting on the lanai overlooking the ocean sipping a Big Wave Golden Ale as the locals set up for a laua. There is something about resort towns that makes me think of class dynamics. Here at the edge of heaven, I am a king. My only cares for the happiness of my queen. I will return to the default world, but only in part. I have been blessed. I live a life of leisure and ease. I can more easily change station then aristocracy in centuries past, but many things remain unchanged.

I have wed. It was celebrated in grand style and with pronouncement. I have traveled abroad since. I return to take deed of property... Ok, hold up... I return to agree to the stipulations of mortgage. My bride has found a beautiful home and I will be paying lean to a bank for several years before being truly landed. That is the beauty of our system. The delineating factor is not birthright. I married above my station true, but that is not the source of my placement. My placement is measured only as a monetary value. There are various ways to arrive. I guess there always were. There were gentleman farmers after all and although it may have been frowned upon, one did not always "marry up".

But for now here I lounge. My greatest concern being sunburn. In love with my wife. In a land of beauty. Surrounded by joy. Not the Jane Austen bliss of the ignorant, but the merchant class success that has defined this country throughout the last 200 years.

I wish you all joy. I will sign off now. There are so many things to do and places to go.

The need to write...

I believe I've written before about the need to write... The need to get something down... To express your thoughts in a lasting way. I can't explain it. Simply putting thoughts into medium has a profound effect. I will sometimes write simply because there was time and it just occurred to me. However, more often than not, I write as a form of release. The subject doesn't matter and often changes during the course of the writing.

I've found similar release in a number of things... music... physical exertion... I haven't been able to use yoga or meditation effectively to this end. I am of the opinion that I cannot be passive in this regard. Sometimes one can become too introspective. Sometimes I have spent too much time in my own head. Sometimes the internal thoughts become a jumble and I need to see which get filtered out as I write.

I've played out so many scenarios in my head that it can be difficult for the real world to catch up. I've never been very good at conceptualizing the actual events before they occur. All the thoughts amount to the passing fancy of a young man. The young man thankfully has learned that his own vision is poor. The conversations he imagines vary drastically from those he actually has. Alas, I have become no better at accurately predicting a result than I am in stopping myself from trying.

So, here I sit. The possible outcomes rolling through my head. Attempting to judge probabilities without all of the information. Unable to influence the results. Only one question keeps running through my mind...

Do other people's brains work like this?

Mother's Day of course

I've been reminded a lot over the last few months that my family remains a lot closer than most. The physical distance is immaterial. The truth is that we have adapted to each other. We genuinely like to be together. My family has never been an obligation. If anything, I would like to be closer to my siblings. I haven't figured out how to do that yet.

As one would guess, the connection with my family has its roots with my parents. Whether they knew it or not, they taught me to fight for what's important and let other things be. I have to presume the same of my siblings. We are not weak-willed creatures. We do not bow down. However, we do evaluate what mantles to take up and which to lay down. Sometimes there is simply no need to argue. Some things are better left unsaid.

My mother has continued to amaze me throughout my life. She has shown an openness that is hard to believe at times. She has time and time again refined my concepts of love and compassion. In all philosophical discourse, I would state that humans are not altruistic creatures. My mother has managed to prove me wrong.

There are various colloquialisms that could be thrown in here, but the truth is that she has a strength of will beyond my comprehension. She has fought the good fight and will continue to do so. I consider myself defeatist by comparison.

I would like to thank her for a myriad collection of gifts. However, I have relied on her strength as long as I have drawn breath and it has always shown through. If I have ever doubted it, I can only apologize.

May all mothers be celebrated this day and every day.

Because the line isn't fuzzy...

We have made a habit of prevaricating. We blur our language in order to make it seem that we are close to agreement. But, unfortunately, we disagree on a fundamental level. Look at your fellow humans. What do you see? Forget the grandiose speeches, the words of others. That man or woman begging on a street corner, how do you view them? Let's take a step back. The homeless shelter. What first pops into your mind? Taxes. Why do you pay them?

We are not altruistic. All humans beings are self-interested. However, being self-interested simply means that your own survival is a primary concern. That allows for a very broad range of moral norms.

So look into yourself. Recently legislators agreed that we should make some changes in the way we deal with our health. Many people became passionate. I have to ask everyone to personalize. A child can no longer be denied coverage if they are already ill. The children who need the most care. Why deny them coverage? Why support those who do? Money? Really? 0.001% of your income matters to you more?

Have I been unfair? Have I cut away too much? Is the raw decision between money and a strangers well being that difficult? I am not going to ask you to visualize. I am not going to say "Put yourself in their parents shoes..." empathy is not logically. I can not persuade anyone to care. If you personalize enough it becomes a different question. I am asking you to choose between a perfect stranger's life and a few dollars a year.

Some may argue that they are not responsible. Look into yourself, you know that is untrue. You cannot live without the company of your fellow man. Hermits have existed throughout recorded history. It has always been an option. No one takes it. You agree to live with other humans when you start your car, when you turn on your heat, when you get on a train, when you use currency.... When you rely on police protection or jurist prudence, you are accepting assistance to do what you cannot alone. When a child is born with a chromosomal deficiency, it has no choice. It's only chance at life is a society. We cannot reproduce alone. Our children can not survive without support.

Nature does have a way of dealing with disabilities. It's "solution" is harsh and practical. If you feel that natural selection should be allowed to be more deterministic, I can not disagree with you.

As I said, empathy is not logical. It can't be taught are argued. However, reasoning beings can not ignore facts they find distasteful. As for me, I pay my taxes because I consider the alternative. I choose to help those that can not help themselves. I always will

Because it is all the same...

The 4th phone call comes in asking the same question. You look upon your resume. It becomes less interesting every day. You realize that the frustration is a combination of many things. Change is necessary for so many reasons.

And so, you grab on to the frustration. You embrace it. It is yours. It is what you feel. It has a power. Do not try to deny it. You can direct it. There is no negative energy. Energy is all the same; its presentation simply differs. It must be paired with its complement.

So rise up. Let the power flow through you. Channel it, change it, make it useful. Improve yourself. Improve your resume. Re-evaluate the situation. Look upon the frustration as a source of motivation. Look upon the lack of challenge as freeing up time to challenge yourself.

Your body is only triggered to 2 responses: fight or flight. No one has ever accomplished anything by fleeing.

It's all so simple...

A snowflake... Snow... You remember snow. You remember snow in all the ways you have known it. You remember trudging through it... Shoveling it... Playing in it... Wishing for it... Praying for it.... You look around with eyes renewed. The orange strip that is the horizon of an overcast sky. The world both seen and unseen.

You then realize that you can't be broken. You are unstoppable. The light that pours from the one you love. The light that overpowers you and makes you free. The light is everywhere. You have actually just refused to see it. You have gotten so wrapped in some silliness that you closed your eyes.

You just forgot the magick. The amazing universe that has no intention... no plan. The universe that doesn't care about your plans. The universe that just is. The universe that doesn't ask why or how or what or when. The universe that asks nothing of you and offers itself completely. The universe we get to live in and interpret and modify. A universe where water can freeze and fall through an atmosphere and be observed by a human. A universe where that observer can be changed. A universe where that observer can change others.

Whatever is bothering you... Whatever is causing you to turn away from the light. It is still there. It didn't go away. It just is.