4 going on 5...

I've said dozens of times that life begins at 30. It's fun being 4 years old.

But, the memories of a distorted youth are mine. Some of those memories can only be viewed through broken glass. A young man full of self-loathing, full of fear. He finds the world without joy and does not see a place for him in it. That young man cannot imagine living into his 30's. That young man cannot comprehend my existence. That young man wasn't completely wrong.

You see, the quintessential elements of that individual are gone. People that knew him may feel differently, but a single quality does not define a person. He was, in a word, deconstructed.

But he gave me a gift. With his memoirs complete, his story told, we can learn from his lack of foresight.

In my estimation, humans change... a lot. Our desire for stability is in part due to our inability to achieve it. The universe we live in changes constantly. The planet we abide is an orchestration of movement. We ourselves change ourselves and our environment at break-neck speed. We cannot stop moving. We cannot stop changing. Movement is part of existence in our reality.

So, I have to wonder... How many versions of this individual will there be? How old will he be when he stops moving? Which one will get to spend the most time moving? Does each one have a mid-life crisis? Does each one grow and learn or will some backslide?

Don't ask me... I'm only 4.

Because the line isn't fuzzy...

We have made a habit of prevaricating. We blur our language in order to make it seem that we are close to agreement. But, unfortunately, we disagree on a fundamental level. Look at your fellow humans. What do you see? Forget the grandiose speeches, the words of others. That man or woman begging on a street corner, how do you view them? Let's take a step back. The homeless shelter. What first pops into your mind? Taxes. Why do you pay them?

We are not altruistic. All humans beings are self-interested. However, being self-interested simply means that your own survival is a primary concern. That allows for a very broad range of moral norms.

So look into yourself. Recently legislators agreed that we should make some changes in the way we deal with our health. Many people became passionate. I have to ask everyone to personalize. A child can no longer be denied coverage if they are already ill. The children who need the most care. Why deny them coverage? Why support those who do? Money? Really? 0.001% of your income matters to you more?

Have I been unfair? Have I cut away too much? Is the raw decision between money and a strangers well being that difficult? I am not going to ask you to visualize. I am not going to say "Put yourself in their parents shoes..." empathy is not logically. I can not persuade anyone to care. If you personalize enough it becomes a different question. I am asking you to choose between a perfect stranger's life and a few dollars a year.

Some may argue that they are not responsible. Look into yourself, you know that is untrue. You cannot live without the company of your fellow man. Hermits have existed throughout recorded history. It has always been an option. No one takes it. You agree to live with other humans when you start your car, when you turn on your heat, when you get on a train, when you use currency.... When you rely on police protection or jurist prudence, you are accepting assistance to do what you cannot alone. When a child is born with a chromosomal deficiency, it has no choice. It's only chance at life is a society. We cannot reproduce alone. Our children can not survive without support.

Nature does have a way of dealing with disabilities. It's "solution" is harsh and practical. If you feel that natural selection should be allowed to be more deterministic, I can not disagree with you.

As I said, empathy is not logical. It can't be taught are argued. However, reasoning beings can not ignore facts they find distasteful. As for me, I pay my taxes because I consider the alternative. I choose to help those that can not help themselves. I always will

Back to default...

The idiosyncrasies of live sound dull when prefaced like that. None the less, it seems appropriate. I have returned to my everyday life. There are still clothes drying in the bathroom and another box of things coming. But, I'm back at work and back to the gym. The coffee flows here and there are fresh apples. The train is full of the unsuspecting and unimaginative. There are bills to pay and petitions to sign. It's home.

For although I have taken 2 pilgrimages to the playa and my body dealt with the strain far better this time, the world of timetables is mine. I am not an artist although I am occasionally granted their vision. I create in a world of 1's and 0's. My masterworks are practical solutions and if I have ever achieved elegance, it will not be remembered.

Years ago, I felt as if I was walking into someone else's world and wasn't sure if I belonged. Now, I know that I belong and no longer need to prove it.

I do create. My medium is ether and the time I spend away from that sits heavy on my shoulders. I have run out of challenges in my professional life. I have stopped making the magic and started focusing on schedules and budget. The end result is that my job is simply the mindless tedium that most people seem to live with.

I am not "most people". I am passionate and ridiculously intelligent. I will make the myths before I'm done. Anything less would lack artistry.