They were never demons...

I have referred in the past to demons.  I have used the phrase to refer to aspects of my personality.  I now consider that a poor choice.  Externalizing aspects of your personality can seem advantageous but the idea is flawed.  Personalities are not divisible with some rare exceptions.  We are integrated beings with an integrated consciousness.

There are no demons.  There are neurochemical imbalances.  There are neuroses.  There are parts of our psyche that are considered outside the norm.  There is illness.  There is disease.  If these effect the brain, then they are still illness and disease.

But "the norm" has become too narrow and we have allowed ourselves to blur the line between illness, disease, and simple variation.  The human brain has proven again and again that our measurements will not give adequate data.  It is the secret to our adaptation.  My ancestors and I could not change our physical structure, but we can change the control mechanism instantaneously.  Unlike their fellow physicians, psychiatrists and psychologists have a moving target.

I spent many years considering some of my own thoughts as coming from somewhere else.  A portion of myself as distinct and walled off by will.  That explanation does not quite serve.  I have known the thoughts to be my own.  I simply denied them validity.

But self-loathing is part of what I am.  It is part of the balance.  It is simply a manifestation of self-doubt.  All beliefs must be able to stand up to criticism including the belief in ourselves.  Perhaps others do not encounter such things.  It is not my place to ask.  It is simply my place to accept these things about myself.  I have not truly done so.

Stories about a scared little boy...  Visualizing my younger self as something that was overcome is denying a part of myself.  That scared little boy did not fight some demons and get replaced.  I am that scared little boy.  To refer to myself in the third person just leads to confusion.  I have changed.  All humans change.  A lot of the things I feared I simply don't fear any more.  I confronted those fears.  That thought is empowering.  The thought that I had to loose part of myself to get here is not.  I have changed.  I will continue to change. The changes have been an improvement.  I will continue to improve.  Not all changes are improvements; but as long as I draw breath, I can improve.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go have a talk with somebody... me

Let me explain myself...

... you don't have to obviously.  But I hope you will.

I have read the holy works of several religions.  I have spoken to those whom see our future in the stars.  I have spoken to those whom see themselves in the stars.  I have looked upon ceremonies, traditions, celebrations, and rituals with an inquisitive eye.  I have always been concerned that I would give the wrong impression.

Although I don't want to be overly simplistic, I am a seeker of truth.  I am a devotee of logic.  I see magick everywhere but in my world, magick is not distinct from physics, biology, or mathematics.  I find it inadvisable to ignore any idea just as I feel it is inadvisable to simply accept an idea on its face.

I often find new information in really unexpected places.  I put together seemingly random pieces of data.  I cannot say I arrive at new insights.  I cannot say that the result is profound.  I do look at different perspectives and find more similarities than differences.

The midwife of 700 years ago, the shaman of centuries innumerable, the alchemist of the 17th century, the medical doctor current practicing... all would have similar recommendations in some cases.  Very many concepts and ideas have not stood the test of time.  But, if we look, there are practices and beliefs that endure.  For in truth, what has been true in all human endeavor is that it involved humans.

Whether a human believed that no higher power existed, believed that only one higher power existed, believed that only one higher power should be worshiped, believed that high powers existed but that they did not desire worship, believed in many higher powers, there is human belief.  Even if there is nothing else, there is belief.  We need not agree.  It doesn't matter.  Belief is a beautiful and powerful thing.  What we know has been disputed for centuries.  What we believe cannot be disputed.

For the past few centuries, many have strove to turn form the mysticism of the past.  There was an inherent danger in it.  It had in some cases become dogmatic.  But I believe that in steering away from dogma, we may have ignored things that at their root were based on empirical evidence.  It is difficult to be certain now, because human belief is so powerful.   One need only look to the placebo effect to see some small part of what that power is capable of.  The healer and the charlatan often wore similar guises, but the fact that many patent medicines contained opiates in no way meant that the opiates should not continued to be used.

I do believe we have gained insight.  I believe that written language has had a huge effect on our capabilities.  The shaman would have gained much from the work of other shamans if that knowledge was saved.  The alchemist would have been the chemist if fear had not led him to destroy his notes.  Those that destroyed a Books of Shadows doomed themselves to have to learn again what had been gained.  I do not believe that knowledge has been lost.  I do however believe that we have spent many years retracing steps taken long ago.

And so, I look to Stonehenge and see an observatory.  I look to the Mayan calendar as an amazing lesson in many respects.  I look to the Great Pyramid of Giza as an amazing and horrifying endeavor.  I look to the design of ancient temples and marvel knowing their intrinsic properties from calculation rather than experiment.  All in all, I marvel at humans.  They have learned and forgotten many things.  They have arrived at the same result from dozens of different directions.  It is in these results that I find truth.  Sometimes, I simply choose to follow multiple directions myself.

The unstoppable force meets the immovable object...

... and destroys it in an explosion of reality.  Like many cliches, the root question is both deeper and more simple than it appears.   And like most cliches, the deeper question has already been answered.   There is no immovable object.   There is status quo.  There are things that are "solid".  There are things which are gigantic, enormous, etc.  But everything moves.

Anything that is truly static does not exist in our universe or at least not in a form we could recognize.  Matter can not defy the forces that act upon it.  The towers of the ancients are old and crumbled.  The great families have been born and died.  Greece fell.  Rome fell.  The great empires of Europe rose and fell.  Our own empire will one day fall.  Safety is an illusion.  Permanence is an illusion.  Anything that stops moving, dies.

Now as for the unstoppable force, show me one that can be stopped.  Degraded perhaps.  Deflected perhaps.  But the light that was present at the dawn of the universe is still going out.  The first mover, whatever it be, set off a chain reaction that has never stopped.  Passion, drive, love, these things go on.   They may lessen, but they are not stopped.  Their original source may be destroyed but their force is still felt.

So, simply look around the world.  You are an unstoppable force.  People have told you that there are immovable objects out there.   They have misled you.  All obstacles can be surmounted.  All that is static is destined for destruction.  As I have said many times... all things change.