Paradise...

Where to begin? I am sitting on the lanai overlooking the ocean sipping a Big Wave Golden Ale as the locals set up for a laua. There is something about resort towns that makes me think of class dynamics. Here at the edge of heaven, I am a king. My only cares for the happiness of my queen. I will return to the default world, but only in part. I have been blessed. I live a life of leisure and ease. I can more easily change station then aristocracy in centuries past, but many things remain unchanged.

I have wed. It was celebrated in grand style and with pronouncement. I have traveled abroad since. I return to take deed of property... Ok, hold up... I return to agree to the stipulations of mortgage. My bride has found a beautiful home and I will be paying lean to a bank for several years before being truly landed. That is the beauty of our system. The delineating factor is not birthright. I married above my station true, but that is not the source of my placement. My placement is measured only as a monetary value. There are various ways to arrive. I guess there always were. There were gentleman farmers after all and although it may have been frowned upon, one did not always "marry up".

But for now here I lounge. My greatest concern being sunburn. In love with my wife. In a land of beauty. Surrounded by joy. Not the Jane Austen bliss of the ignorant, but the merchant class success that has defined this country throughout the last 200 years.

I wish you all joy. I will sign off now. There are so many things to do and places to go.

The need to write...

I believe I've written before about the need to write... The need to get something down... To express your thoughts in a lasting way. I can't explain it. Simply putting thoughts into medium has a profound effect. I will sometimes write simply because there was time and it just occurred to me. However, more often than not, I write as a form of release. The subject doesn't matter and often changes during the course of the writing.

I've found similar release in a number of things... music... physical exertion... I haven't been able to use yoga or meditation effectively to this end. I am of the opinion that I cannot be passive in this regard. Sometimes one can become too introspective. Sometimes I have spent too much time in my own head. Sometimes the internal thoughts become a jumble and I need to see which get filtered out as I write.

I've played out so many scenarios in my head that it can be difficult for the real world to catch up. I've never been very good at conceptualizing the actual events before they occur. All the thoughts amount to the passing fancy of a young man. The young man thankfully has learned that his own vision is poor. The conversations he imagines vary drastically from those he actually has. Alas, I have become no better at accurately predicting a result than I am in stopping myself from trying.

So, here I sit. The possible outcomes rolling through my head. Attempting to judge probabilities without all of the information. Unable to influence the results. Only one question keeps running through my mind...

Do other people's brains work like this?

Mother's Day of course

I've been reminded a lot over the last few months that my family remains a lot closer than most. The physical distance is immaterial. The truth is that we have adapted to each other. We genuinely like to be together. My family has never been an obligation. If anything, I would like to be closer to my siblings. I haven't figured out how to do that yet.

As one would guess, the connection with my family has its roots with my parents. Whether they knew it or not, they taught me to fight for what's important and let other things be. I have to presume the same of my siblings. We are not weak-willed creatures. We do not bow down. However, we do evaluate what mantles to take up and which to lay down. Sometimes there is simply no need to argue. Some things are better left unsaid.

My mother has continued to amaze me throughout my life. She has shown an openness that is hard to believe at times. She has time and time again refined my concepts of love and compassion. In all philosophical discourse, I would state that humans are not altruistic creatures. My mother has managed to prove me wrong.

There are various colloquialisms that could be thrown in here, but the truth is that she has a strength of will beyond my comprehension. She has fought the good fight and will continue to do so. I consider myself defeatist by comparison.

I would like to thank her for a myriad collection of gifts. However, I have relied on her strength as long as I have drawn breath and it has always shown through. If I have ever doubted it, I can only apologize.

May all mothers be celebrated this day and every day.