Safe spaces

First, I want to thank a dear friend for helping me gather my thoughts on this.  The original title of this blog post and the post itself were flawed.

"Safe spaces" entered the popular parlance about a year ago.  The concept, however, is no more new than the phrase itself.  Safe spaces have always been important.  In my opinion safe spaces are intimately linked with what it means to be a man.

I will not speak of the divine masculine or divine feminine.  I do not generally speak of things divine.  In addition, what defines masculinity and femininity is culturally variant and immaterial in this case.

What I am speaking of is a combination of roles that many people attribute to men, and the end goal of these roles.  The roles themselves are provider and protector.  I would capitalize those titles, but I don't think I'm actually talking about philosophical ideals.  I am speaking of what does exist in millions of homes across the globe and something I myself was given.  I am also speaking of something that should be more common in my opinion.

I want more places to be considered safe.  In truth, I want people to feel safer everywhere they go.  A number of events have recently reminded me  of the huge discrepancies between my own level of safety and that of my sisters.  True safety is an illusion, but I can feel a great deal of assurance based on probability alone.  The fact is that my brothers are very often predators rather than protectors.  I cannot fix this, but I can choose how I act.  I can also speak when the opportunity presents itself.

So, let us start with isolating the predators.  I am simply going to state that any place of employment should be considered a safe space for the employees.  If any of my brothers find themselves thinking that someone wants to get "hit on" while they are working or that an "office romance" should be pursued, stop!  Erring on the side of "leave her alone" will do you no harm.  That perceived opportunity you may "miss out on", isn't really there.  I am not saying that successful relationships haven't started this way.  I am not going to even say that your interpretation of the situation is incorrect.  I am simply saying the risk isn't worth it.  There is another person involved and you are about to have an effect on their life.

In addition, if you see what appears to be unwanted attention, don't stand idly by.  Ask about your fellow human's well being.

Does this seem old fashioned?  Well, it is.  We men have not earned the right to move past chivalry.  I hope one day my sisters and my brothers face the same probabilities when evaluating their personal safety.  I do not believe I will live to see such a day.

Home is always a safe space.  If the place you live is not safe, it is not a home.

Let us all create safe spaces for one another.  I do believe that it is a defining characteristic of manhood but I would never stop anyone from making the world better.  Safe spaces are places where intimacy happens.  Safe spaces are places where growth happens.  Safe spaces are foundations from which lives are built.

7 Lies About Fitness

You'll notice I didn't use the word "myth".  When someone knowingly proffers false information, they are lying.  These lies are not harmless and every January, they cause an epidemic of disappointment.

I am not a medical professional or a "fitness expert", but you need not be.  The information is readily available at this point.  One need only look for sources without a vested interest in maintaining the status quo.

1. In just 30 minutes a day, you can...
   This should be fairly obvious from the fact it is a sales pitch, but in truth most of the entries on this list are actually sales pitches of some type.  Actually going to the gym will always take longer than 30 minutes. 
   
   But, if we assume that you are working out and home, and already wearing whatever you are going to work out in, and are not stiff, injured, or doing something that should be preceded by a warm-up... then, yes, 30 minutes of physical activity will be helpful.  A good cardio session shouldn't really last longer than 30 minutes or so.
   
2. "targeted fat loss"
   This is simple not possible.  Your body stores fat where it does.  Primarily, fat is stored in locations where it is unlikely to impede movement.  Storing fat is a survival mechanism for mammals.  Your body will do whenever given the opportunity.  Evolution was far more concerned about living to spring than it was about looking good in summer.
   
3. "miracle food", superfood, "this one food", etc.
   Although advertisers change the nomenclature every few years as one phrase becomes an obvious lie, one food will never make up for an otherwise bad nutritional intake.  There are micro-nutrients that will improve your health, some foods have a slightly higher percentage of said micro-nutrients than others.  However, if your macro-nutrients are not inline with your lifestyle, no micro-nutrient is going to help.
   
4. "Ideal weight"
   Your body weight has nothing to do with your fitness level.  If you have not seen comparative pictures of different people with the same weight and height at different fitness levels, I recommend Google.  As many BMI calculators only use these two numbers, "ideal BMI" is also a lie.
   
   Humans do not have an "ideal weight".  Body weight is simply the easiest measurement to get.  The mirror, the tape measure, and a body fat percentage measurement are all far better metrics.  Consistently taking these measurements can be difficult, but it is certainly better than the negative feedback loop the scale too often causes.  We also overlook the inconsistency of body weight measurements.  Your body weight fluctuates during the day.  If you want to track that measurement, do so with the same attention to detail as they other measurements (i.e. at the same of day with the same timeframe since your last meal).
   
5. Any "diet"
   The word diet has too meanings: the useful one and the label given to a plan to ruin lives.  Often, those with good intentions will simply stop using the word and instead use the word "nutrition".  A diet is the combination of calorie sources and their amounts that an individual consumes.  If you want to lose weight, you maintain a caloric deficit, you do not "diet".  A caloric deficit cannot be maintained without causing harm, period.
   
   Diet and exercise cannot be separated.  "Caloric deficit" and "caloric surplus" cannot be calculated without knowing both caloric intake and caloric expenditure.  There is not a set number of calories a human should consume a day.  The calculators that are available make many assumptions.  Know what those assumptions are.  Know your body.  Know your resting heart rate.  Know your lifestyle.  There is a possibility that you are somewhere near the averages used.  Probability distributions are exactly that.  Find your point on the curve.
   
6. "X is only y calories"
   I am not going to assume anything about an individuals dietary preferences.  I think we have all witnessed someone that eats poorly while discussing weight loss or "getting in shape".  You can eat whatever you wish.  However, if your goals and your actions are contradictory, change one of them.
   
   "Cheat meals", "rewards", etc. can only be effectively used by people with very good self control.  They are not a step in the path between a bad diet and a good one.
   
   In many cases, the number of calories is simply a matter of some nonsensical serving size.  There are some regulations in this regard, but it is still easy to find labels with 2 or 3 on packages obviously designed for individual consumption.
   
   However, even if you find a 100 calorie brownie.  Don't eat it.  There is nothing good about it.  If you manage to bake a 100 calorie brownie, call me.  If you want a brownie/doughnut/nutrient-low, fat or sugar source, eat one.  Don't rationalize it.  Own it.  Add it into your caloric intake and adjust accordingly.
   
7. Cardio, cardio, cardio...
   This does not effect as many people, but it is insipid.  In the beginning of January, thousands of people go to the gym and get on treadmills.  "Cardio" is usually a mislabeling.  Improving your cardiovascular conditioning is important.  However, it is only one part of a fitness regimen.  By all means get on that treadmill.  Spend 30 minutes with an elevated heart rate.
   
   However, I have never met a person that likes steady-state cardio.  It is boring.  It has many positive effects, but has limits.  It simply can't be the sum total of your caloric expenditures.

In short there isn't an easy answer, and there isn't an answer that works for everyone.  If someone claims otherwise, they are lying to you.

Know your goals.  Find people that have accomplished those goals.  Try to follow the plan those people used.  It may not work for you.  Adapt.  If your goal is to look athletic, do athletic things.  If you are trying a routine, plan, whatever, and you hate it, it's not going to work for you.  You can find a way to enjoy it.  I have often commented on the "level up" mentality I use.  That might not appeal to you.  Try something else.  Try several things.

When the fangs come out

In the last few weeks, I have been reminded of something. I have a very unenlightened reaction to certain stimuli. Of particular note, my reaction to a male attacking a female is barbaric.

And so, I am writing to my brothers.

Perhaps your reactions are different than mine.  Let me put it simply.  I am far from a violent man.  However, a male that raises his hand to a female is not a man; he is something to be knocked down.  If a male would dare to force himself upon a female, he has turned against himself and against us all.

I am very capable of embracing vengeance.  I am very capable of giving in to anger.  I am very capable of turning a blind eye to vigilante justice.  I am very capable of considering horrible treatment of other human beings.  A male attacking a female causes all of these effects.

We need to remember what we are. When a predator appears, we don't invite it in. We stand between it and what we hold dear.  We stand up so that others have the courage to.  We stand up so that those that can't are protected.  We stand because it is what we are.


Perhaps my views are antiquated.  I accept that and embrace them.  I know very well my sisters are not waiting for some "white knight".  I have no desire to be anyone's "white knight".  I want us all to be better.  I want us to weed out those that make us lesser.  I want to live in a world where I can call all men my brothers.