I think I'm starting to get it (Originally published on August 20, 2006)

I have spent several weeks unsure. Something had changed. I just didn't know what. I began to doubt the path I had taken. I began trying new approaches. I began to conceive myself differently.

I returned from my third Philadelphia Folk Festival today and realized I was not the same person that went the previous two times. There was no concern about being alone this time. There were no thoughts of decorum or acceptance. I didn't worry about "acting my age".

During the last year, a process started. I am not sure what triggered it although I do have my thoughts on the subject. I am becoming free. I'm not sure how far along the process has gone but it is now perceivable. The awkwardness I have always felt around my fellow humans is slowly going away. The fear of rejection or whatever it was that has caused me to label myself "A Social Retard" is going away. I still can't read body language and I'm not the world's best conversationalist, but I stopped caring about those things.

I have always thought of myself as free. I have my own world view. My own ethics. I have never let the popular opinion shape my own views. But I was inhibited. I did care what others thought of me, I just didn't admit it. Maybe one day I won't care what others think. In the meantime, I'm just going to accept that I do.